by Paige Jensen-Rutter January 19, 2022
Family. Hate to love ‘em and love to hate ‘em. Happy moments and endless opportunities for things to improve. But do we really need to continue the charade of something as dreaded as the family get-together? This past holiday season, I was forced to reunite with my relatives. I’ve recently begun to wonder if it’s really all that necessary.
Having to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner and listen to relatives rant about their lives is a little too much for me. I just want to sit and eat my food in peace without having to talk in a fake, overly animated voice to my relatives, giving them a rant of my own. I’m trying to eat my food at the speed of light so I can get out of there and go back to hiding in my room in peace. I have Hawkeye to watch. Maybe it’s just my family life, but I doubt I’m the only one. I might be a bit of a cynic, but I don’t enjoy re-telling my life story for a family member, censoring the things they don’t need to know, and repeating stories they’ve already heard because I haven’t seen them in varying lengths of time.
And I’m sorry, but which great aunt is divorced now, and which family members aren’t vaccinated? Which sisters or sister-in-laws started fighting like pathetic little toddlers because they’re still holding onto childhood grudges? Oh, what’s that you say? My cousin is engaged to the same guy again? Which family member has switched over to the ‘dark side’ of being Democrat or Republican? I’m sick of it. All of it. The drama unfurls because we insist on getting together to share the holidays with our family members, and while we do love them, it makes me wonder. How in the hell are we supposed to fight the complete and utter dysfunction that seems to become the most apparent around the holidays? Now don’t get me wrong, holiday traditions are amazing, but is it really necessary to pretend that we’re all happy to see each other and that our lives are perfect?
I love my family, I really do, but there are so many of them that I’m getting confused as to who is who. So to my family, I’m sorry if I hug you at a reunion, acting all happy to see you. Chances are I have no clue who you are and if don’t say your name in conversation, my bad. I’m just wondering, are we even related!? Or are you the best friend of my 5th cousin Larry who is technically adopted? It’s confusing, right? I just genuinely don’t remember anyone who “hasn’t seen me since I was a baby” and is amazed at “how much I’ve grown.” Family, am I right? Since it seems like we’re getting together for the approval of a parent or sibling because of the countless childhood issues left unresolved, would it be more productive to get together for group therapy? Maybe we’d actually get crap done that way. When it comes to family, we shouldn’t have to send out Christmas cards to people our parents are pretty much only Facebook friends with. Do we really need to let them know that our family went to a photoshoot in matching perfect family PJs and took a picture that does a pretty good job of hiding the psychotic truth of what our family truly is? Heck, even the Elf on the Shelf is unstable. (I’ve been traumatized by the Elf so I have full permission to say this. Don’t ask.)
I’ve come to the conclusion that as far as family excursions go, I’m better off without. I like sticking to my happy, fun, (if sometimes hectic) holiday traditions. For me, snowflakes, sugar cookies, and ice skating make the hectic holidays worth the hassle. What I know is that our families dragging us on group outings and activities when they know that we don’t want to be there isn’t fair to any of us and can be more damaging to us in the long run. It’s unfair in situations of divorce to be stuck at a house you don’t want to be at with people you don’t want to be around, a holiday suddenly becoming hell as you try to navigate a traditionally stressful time in an additionally stressful situation. I wouldn’t want to be in a place where I don’t feel like I belong.
I’m tired of being forced into situations with my family members where we’re forced to hide who we actually are. Is it really too much to ask for a little peace and honesty around the holidays? A New Year where we can feel like new people? Honest people, for a change? Maybe this new year, do yourself a merry little favor and get therapy.